Mark

I think this post will take me a few days to write. I know I'm going to cry going over this series of events, multiple times. But I think Mark deserves the best post I can make.

Mark. Mark was a veteran. He was drafted when he was a kid, I'm pretty sure in Vietnam if I remember correctly. He didn't have a great handle on his life. He would come in and buy 3 Genesee tall cans at a time after he was done with work for the day. He worked construction, so he was in great shape for abusing his body so badly and being almost 50. Or if he had the day off, he would drink and clean his house. Always drinking. I don't know if that stemmed from his time as a child in the military or if it was to cope with something else, I never asked.
Mark started dating an old girlfriend, she was really cool. Older biker chick, leathery skin, raspy voice, really great smile and nice personality. Eventually we could see that her and Mark were not great for each other.
Mark would come in all worked up telling us about a fight they had, he would always say "I would never hit a woman, but..." It was always really tough to cope with.
I remember Mark coming in and talking to me one day about how bad it was. i told him "i like both of you a lot, but you're poisonous for each other, you can't be happy together". They didn't break up, but I could see a change in him.
I would ask him every now and then how everything was going, the fighting got less frequent but was still occurring, or he would tell me well enough. At one point I just couldn't handle it and I would hide when I saw him coming. In retrospect, I feel fucking horrible for that. I wish I had talked to him more. I wish I could have asked him about his life. I just couldn't look past his demons, I was blind to his suffering and only looking on in a judgmental way. It's shitty and I make a conscious effort to not do that anymore.
Mark came in one day and was looking very somber. I asked him what was wrong. He proceeded to tell me about how his doctor had found some spots on his lungs. At the time he was fairly optimistic that it would get better.
Over the next few months he would come in and give me updates. It was not getting better. I was watching him wither away before my eyes. It was heartbreaking to watch someone go from a healthy man to a human skeleton in less than a year.
 Eventually his friend came to live with him, for hospice care essentially. He would ask me if we could carry the protein rich Naked juices to help Mark keep his strength up. I always tried, but our delivery with that company is sporadic at best. At some point Mark stopped coming in completely.  I would see his girlfriend and his friend come in and i would ask for updates. He would be really optimistic, she would give it to me bluntly, it was a very strange but comforting juxtaposition.
There was a beautiful day in July, I think, and Mark was able to get enough strength to get out of the apartment. His friend pushed him over in his wheelchair, but Mark didn't have enough strength to get out of the chair. I at least got to say "Hey Mark! It's great to see you man!" "Great to see you too!" He yelled back to me through the open door. That was the last thing I ever got to say to Mark. I'm glad that was our last interaction at least.
Over the next month it was very busy over here at the store and the 4 of us that work here didn't have much time overlapping to shoot the shit, so I lost track of Mark.
I found out Mark died on the day of his funeral. I was already at work and couldn't even make it to say goodbye. It still kills me, like, I'm weeping just recalling it.
I'm not going to go too deep into the political aspect of it, but mark got swept under the rug. He had to be driven all the way out to Buffalo to be given some sort of treatment. That's bullshit, I can't go into it because it fills me with an intense rage and sadness i can't handle right now, I have a register to run.
So i guess this is the best way I can say it, goodbye Mark, I miss you. I hope you don't feel any more pain wherever you are. Cheers man...I'm so sorry.